Why we must beat the French

Firstly I like going to France on holiday. I have met many very nice French people. This is not about the people of France. This is about the national attitude I know as ‘the French’. They should be beaten on sunday because, put simply, because they deserve a beating. This is about far more than a Rugby World Cup final. I am thrilled we are playing the French because it is time to get some payback. I am pretty sure I dislike ‘the French’ more than most Kiwi’s but I cannot speak for everyone. My mother in law is also French, yes, imagine!

I will tell you why I want us to destroy them at the weekend, after all it’s my blog, not a democracy.

Let us remind ourselves who ‘the French’ are. ‘The French’ were unable to defend their own borders against Germans and now they have a country littered with the bodies of dead New Zealanders. France has beneath its soil the highest number of dead Kiwi’s of any country on earth other than New Zealand. This includes Sergeant Dick Travis, VC, DSM, MM, Croix de Guerre (Belgium). New Zealands greatest ever soldier. New Zealand born soldiers and airmen won 17 Victoria Crosses fighting for France in two wars. Tens of thousands of New Zealand soldiers fought and died to liberate France, twice. ‘The French’ are ungrateful for this.

‘The French’ then largely invented what has become the EU to protect their own interests. They convinced a spineless British government to turn her back on her old friends and allies to cozy up to their new continental chums instead. This decision bought New Zealand agriculture and New Zealand on the whole to its knees for many years.

‘The French’ decided they didn’t want to test their Nuclear weapons in their own very large backyard and came down to set off Nuclear bombs in our back yard instead. When protestors set off to say “no thanks”. ‘The French’ sent state sponsored terrorists to blow them up in our harbour. The boat was bombed and a crew member killed. French Government agents committed the only act of terrorism on New Zealand soil. When we captured and imprisoned their agents, the terrorists, the French threatened an embargo on NZ exports to the EEC, this would have crippled the NZ economy. We had to let them go into French custody. The secret agents were put on a French holiday Island and shortly afterwards taken home and promoted in rank. The French had committed an act of war on New Zealand. The perpetrators sent to carry it out were promoted rather than punished on their return to France.

Read about it here.

The Rainbow Warrior

That’s some of why I want us to beat ’the French’. Let’s move on to the Rugby. We won the World Cup in 1987. In 1991, we were beaten by a better Aussie side. 1995, we should have won but the All Blacks had food poisoning and sadly the Springboks at home, at altitude and with a fit team managed to nick a late extra time drop goal against an All Black side that should have been in bed. 1999 was effectively a home game for France. In front of a partisan crowd supporting the Northern Hemisphere team against the All Blacks, ‘the French’ were allowed to play their own game and it was a spectacular victory in front of a Twickenham crowd cheering them on. 2003 we were beaten by the Aussies in the semi, in their own back yard. Shame but it’s not the end of the world. in 2007 New Zealand turned up with two second fifteens and not a proper first fifteen, the ridiculous rotation policy. ‘The French’ once again had a home game under the closed roof of a Northern Hemisphere stadium.  Cardiff rang to the sounds of French support and the All Blacks looked clueless.

Queue 2011. This is our place. ‘The French’ have had a woeful tournament. They have played like chumps throughout. Trounced once already by us. Beaten by Tonga. Only just overcoming the worst English side ever to leave blighty. ‘The French’ narrowly beat a heroic Welsh side with a man down and still they couldn’t score a try. That is before you even start talking about the sheer class of this All Blacks team.

There will be much talk this week of about how we must not underestimate a French side looking down the barrel. How they have nothing to lose and this will suit them perfectly. The All Blacks will not take ‘the French’ for granted and they certainly will not underestimate them. We will not be caught napping by some French miracle. This is time for New Zealand through our national sport to take the whip to ‘the French’ for what they have done to us and how they have treated us in the past. There will be no support for ‘the French’ from the uninvolved. Everyone wants to see ‘the French’ get a beating. There will be no audible Allez Le Bleu in Eden Park. ‘The French’ will enjoy their fine national anthem being sung passionately, we may even get some tears. There will be many tears by the end of the game. New Zealand tears that they have finally got the trophy that matters most. The best bit will be thrashing ‘the French’ to obtain it. ‘The French’ deserve the hiding of all hidings. An All Black storm is brewing and ‘the French’ are going to have a bad day on Sunday.

I’d love to have a chance to speak to the All Blacks before the game. If I could this is what I would say.

My speech for the All Blacks

Bring on Sunday.

N.B Don’t take all ‘The French’ stuff too seriously ay. We love the French really (sort of). We Kiwi’s just need to give them a pasting in the footy to soothe our furrowed brows and exorcise our demons. Come on Black, lets see what you are made of. NO pressure really.

Update 23/10/2011 11.30 am UK time. PHEW!!!  Well done France for coming to play. Have a good time in NZ and safe journey home. Well done All Blacks. Job done.